Sort of a rerun post on reader joy and why you might keep a particular old book - inspired by Marie Kondo

This is a rerun post from my old blog. I decided to post it because I've been thinking a lot about reader joy in the context of the whole Marie Kondo book kerfuffle (which, incidentally, I don't have an actual strong view on, but it did make me think about reading joy, so here we are - and this is, after all, a blog about joy). 

Back in my serious blogging days (2007-2012), I wrote a lot about reading, both in relation to actual books (as in this post) and in relation to the general experience of reading and reviewing. It was a hugely valuable experience to me. I discovered a lot about how I feel about reading and what it means to be a reader. I also discovered a lot about why I was blogging, in particular, that I got way less joy from 'reviewing' in the traditional way (which feels very much like a job sometimes, and one in which there is a rather exhausting need for diplomacy as well as a willingness to enter into some level of debate) and much more joy from trying to describe the quite complex and difficult-to-articulate feelings I had about the books I loved.  

The reason I'm posting this review from 2009 is two-fold. Firstly, I think it is a good example of the joy a particular book sparked in me. The second reason is more difficult to articulate. This blog post is 10 years old. The book I'm writing about is 40 years old. As of 2019, I have no doubt many readers would find it a problematic read - and for good reason. But. It was of its time. And it gave me joy. And it will always be on my favourites list. I hope what the post says - what it quotes - shows why that is.   

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I have been meaning to post about this book for ages. It's my favourite Charlotte Lamb Mills & Boon and it's 30[Note: now 40!]  yrs old this year! I'm sure someone on one of the big blogs mentioned recently that they'd read it and found it rather alarming but it is a very great favourite of mine and a wonderfully typical example of what Lamb was doing at this amazingly productive time in her writing career (when she was publishing approximately one book a month). I can literally talk through this book scene by scene I've read it so often.

Are spoilers ok when the book is a thirty year old category, long out of print? Well, this post is chock a block with 'em. Read on at your peril.

The heroine is Natalie, a secretary in her 20s. She's a typical Lamb late 70s heroine: quiet and shy but with a steely core. Natalie is widow, having lost her husband Angus in a car accident. The book has one of my favourite ever openings for a category romance (hell, for any romance). It's very high conflict/ high stakes and emotional. Here are the opening lines:

It was during the coffee break that Natalie realised she had lost her wedding ring. She reached out to pass the sugar bowl to Carol and her hand stayed fixed in position while Carol stared at her blankly and she looked at that bare left hand with horror-stricken eyes.

"What's wrong?" Carol leaned over and took the sugar bowl firmly, then placed it on the table. Her neat-featured face showed distress as she took in Natalie's irrepressible tears. "Natalie! For heaven's sake!"

"My ring," Natalie got out thickly.

Isn't that a fab opening? Doesn't it just make you want to read on? To make it worse, this is Natalie's second wedding anniversary and her husband's been dead for just over a year.

Natalie is a typist at a TV station. She is persuaded by Carol to go to a work party that evening to take her mind off things. On a whim, she goes out and buys a new dress. But when she gets to the party, she's miserable and wants to leave. Until she sees a man who looks familiar:

She glanced around for Carol to say goodbye and then it happened. On the other side of the room she saw a dark head and her heart plunged as though she were in a lift that had suddenly gone down. The texture and colour of the thick black hair, the strong moulding of the skull at the back, the uplift of the neck, were all exactly like Angus....

...Perhaps her intense concentration got through to him somehow.... He turned his head and flicked a glance across the room. Even in profile he had a faint resemblance but then he focussed on her, and it was over. He did not look like Angus at all.
Isn't this awful and delicious? Aren't you just cringing and squealing already? I suggest you get your knuckles ready to bite on.

A hand touched her arm. She looked round, her breathing stopping as she saw who stood beside her.

"Hallo," he said in tones of intimacy, as though they had known each other all their lives, as though he had been waiting for her to come...

..."Dance with me," he invited...

They dance and it's all very dreamlike. Natalie just wants to pretend.

She didn't speak. The thick black hair was under her fingers. She touched it passionately, stroking the strong nape of his neck, unaware of anything but the dream unfolding her. Angus, she thought. Angus...

..."Let's get out of here," he muttered with a strange burning inflection...

Natalie goes off with the nameless man, who is the hero, Jake. They go to her flat and she gets completely carried away. I love the way that Lamb gets across in a very subtle way that Jake is just blown away by this amazing woman - she is his ideal and he has just fallen in a single moment. Natalie doesn't understand this because she's not really in the real world in this scene. It's this delicious secret that the reader can enjoy. And then something awful happens :

She was moaning now, twisting closer, the naked brush of skin on skin making her feverish.

Suddenly he lay still, staring at her through the dark. "What the hell did you just call me?"......

..."What?" she stammered.

"Who's Angus?" he asked harshly.

She admits that Angus is her husband but that's all. Jake's parting words are vicious:

"Thank Angus for the loan of his property," he said caustically. "But tell him I never have liked getting second hand goods, however cheap, and he has my sympathy."

The door had slammed before she was over the shock of the biting words and tone.

The next day, when Natalie goes to work, she discovers who the man is: Jake Lang. He's a film-maker who's been filming a nature series in Africa for the last two years. Natalie has actually spent the last few weeks typing up the scripts, memerised by Jake's voice. (Interestingly, Lamb herself was a secretary and worked as at the bbc and her husband was a journalist - she had a lot of media based heroes and heroines and even had a series (Barbary Wharf) set on a newspaper in the 80s).

Natalie is mortified and ashamed of what's happened. She tells Jake about Angus and that she thought he looked like him, that it had been her anniversary and she'd lost her ring.

"Were you married long?"

She laughed miserably, without amusement. "It wasn't even a year. That's why we were going to Scotland. To celebrate the anniversary with his family...."

"And this is the second?"

"Yes," she said. "Then yesterday I lost my wedding ring."

He made a rough sound of disbelief....

...She was silent and he said nothing either, his back to her. Then he said grindingly, "Why did he have to look like me?"

There was no answer to that. Natalie stood and picked up the tapes. "I know you're tired of hearing it, but I am sorry, Mr Lang." She went out quietly and he just stood there, without turning round or saying a word.

Soon after, Jake invites her to dinner but she makes it clear that she isn't interested in him and starts seeing a safe man, Tom. Jake seems to accept it but soon after offers her a job as his personal assistant and persuades her to take it despite her reservations, promising it will be strictly business. Jake is not an easy boss and Natalie becomes a buffer between him and the rest of the staff and quietly makes herself indispensible:

There follow a number of satisying, high conflict scenes between Natalie and Jake which explore the power play between them. Jake is determined to conquer Natalie by making her admit she wants him. She thinks he's only out for revenge and intends to walk away once he's defeated her. She doesn't get that his constant needling and taunting of her is the equivalent of the boy who pulls the girl's pigtails at school. He is desperate to get her attention but unwilling to lay down at her feet and make himself vulnerable, not least because of the blow to his pride that Natalie inflicted upon him that first night. At one point Jake does get Natalie to beg him to stay with her only to walk away, but Natalie snatches victory from the jaws of defeat in a highly satisfactory way. The reader is left in no doubt that Jake is the one who really suffers from this.

When I skim-read this last night, it was noticeable how aggressive Jake is, and how threatening his language to Natalie. I love this book, but I do wince a little bit at these parts. I love the book so much though that I'm almost mentally editing that stuff out as I go.

I'm going to resist the temptation to talk about all my favourite scenes because they're all favourite scenes. I do especially love the ones with Natalie's fearsome sister Angela who lovingly bullies her and her little boys who behave in a believably child-like way. Jake's parents are nicely observed too. For a short book, Lamb packs a lot in.

But it's the ending of this book that really really kills me. The whole declaration scene is so satisfying. I adore it. Natalie's sister and her husband decide to move to the US and they ask Natalie to go too. She agrees. She tells Jake, expecting him to be annoyed that she is moving out of his reach. But she is not prepared for his reaction:

"No!" Jake shouted hoarsely and his voice startled some thrushes parading on the lawn. The flew up with an excited twittering.

Natalie stared at him, dumbfounded, and he stared back as if he suddenly did not see her at all....

..."Do you think I don't know why you want me to stay?" she accused, the dark blue eyes angry. "You want to torture me until you feel your ego has been sufficiently placated. I'm going to pay and pay, aren't I, Jake? You hate me..."

"Hate you?" he broke in thickly, staring at her. "My god, are you blind? I love you!"

Oh my god. Jake!

Isn't it perfect? Don't you just want to be in this scene?

There is only one bad thing about this scene and this will tell you how often I have read it. Page 171 ends at broke in thickly, staring at her. and you have to turn over to page 172 to read My god, are you blind? I love you!
It very slightly kills the fabulous pacing and I mourn it a little every time.

I've posted the image of the original cover - which is the version I have. I prefer these 'black rose' M&Bs anyway but it's quite a bad one. Jake looks about fifty (grey sideburns! Cardigan!) and Natalie - who is meant to be 24 - looks like an exhausted 40 year old. Also they look incredibly stressed, like a married couple who are about to split. But the red is good and that iconic black rose.

Thank you for this gem, Charlotte Lamb; rest in peace.